My morning conversation with my office mate, reconstructed to the best of my ability:
Brigitte: why are you sitting in the cafeteria this morning?
Me: the woman who is my desk is here today.
Brigitte: Oh, that’s right—Véronique is here. The desk by the door is free, though.
Me: each one is sitting at the desk by the door today.
Brigitte: no, there’s no one there.
Me: it’s OK—I is leaving early today.
Sigh… Hope I can manage to get one non-idiotic sentence out of my mouth before I go home in a month…